remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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