Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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