It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
