Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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