sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
