she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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