I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
