just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
