I'm jealous of your bromance
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
