ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
