the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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