Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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