garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
