its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize