True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
