Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
