is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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