Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
