Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She announced her abortion via fbk
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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