Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
