do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
