you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
