she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
