he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
