So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
