Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
