Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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