you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
