Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
