At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
