apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
