peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize