So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
