I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
