Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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