he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
