Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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