They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
