How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
