You work out of a Hotel?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
