she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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