I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
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That's how twitter works, right?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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