I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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