hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize