He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My penis needs a shock collar
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
