Pants 0. Shit 1.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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