This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
