Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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