we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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