saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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