How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
