Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
