She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
