Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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