I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
