I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
