So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
