God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
