then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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