Will you blow on my dice?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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