I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
