i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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