and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
