i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
