i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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